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The Green Gumball: Compete with Her for Me

In the past few episodes, I've been going over the different gumball "flavors" or different types of attention that Gumball Guys crave so that you can start to watch out for the red flags.

The Red Gumball  is all about sex, the Orange is all about stirring up drama, the Yellow wants you to constantly be entertaining him and keeping your attention on him, and now, we come to the Green Gumball guy: Green with Envy, Compete with Her for Me. 

This is the guy who you'll be sitting with at your first or second date and he says, "I've gone on a few dates with this other girl, and I really thought she was it for me, but now that I've met you...I really like you too. I'm just not sure."

Just imagine, how do you feel in that moment?

You may feel the sudden urge to prove yourself worthy. Prove that YOU'RE the right choice, and start to compete with her. And that's exactly what gives him the high.

Or, you might be at a restaurant with him on a date, and he starts flirting with...

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The Yellow Gumball Guy: Entertain ME

Does it feel like you always have to be entertaining your guy, or he's bored?

A while back I'd started a series assigning a different color or "flavor of attention" to each type of Gumball Guy.

I've already done an episode on the Red Gumball, which is the guy who is all about sex, and the Orange Gumball, which is the guy who wants the intense drama. 

In this episode, I talk about the Yellow Gumball, which is the guy who wants you to entertain him or put all your attention on him. He's that guy who is like a giant fussy baby...always too hot, too cold, the music is too loud or not loud enough, he's tired, he's bored at the party asking how much longer you have to stay. 

He's looking on his phone rather than paying attention to anyone around him, if the attention isn't on him he's uninterested.

All conversations tend to be about him or things he's interested in. So when it's something you're interested in, you feel like you have a limited amount of time that you can...

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How to See Your Value When You Don't Feel Like Enough

dating expert self worth Nov 08, 2020

In this episode, I'm answering your questions! We've got scenarios like..

  • After the fifth date, when things seemed to be going great and even the topic of marriage was touched upon, seemingly out of no where the guy says he doesn't think they're a good fit. Our girl wants to know, "What did I do wrong?"
  • The next comes from a woman who is worried she isn't as established or successful in her career as the potential guy is
  • Lastly, an ex boyfriend told a woman that she wasn't good in bed. Then, she saw a new guy for a bit, and the guy ghosted her, so she believes it's confirmed that she's not good in bed

**Trigger warning: suicide is discussed in this episode**

The answers to these questions lie in understanding our own unique value, as well as the importance of communication.

When a person doesn't know what they want, doesn't know how to ask for what they want, or doesn't see their own value, that's when scenarios like ghosting, or seemingly out of no where remarks like...

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Soni Pelty Left an Abusive Marriage, Discovered Herself, and Found Real Love

If you are currently considering leaving your marriage, going through a divorce, or wondering how to get back into dating after divorce, you're gonna want to listen to this episode for some serious inspiration!

Soni Pelty got married at age 19 through an arranged marriage, as is custom in her Indian heritage. 

Things seemed fine the first couple months, until she discovered her husband's porn addiction.

After 22 years of dealing with this addiction, physical and emotional abuse, and fighting, Soni finally got the strength to leave the marriage after some wise words from her then 15 year old son. 

In her 40's and getting back into the dating game, Soni went on 300..yes, 300 dates!! With very clear intentions about what she wanted, until she finally found the man of her dreams and got remarried! 

But it wasn't just about finding the man. The most important part for Soni was finding herself and realizing her worth. Now, she helps other women do the same as a...

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How to Elevate Your Life on a Budget

In this episode, learn how to elevate your life and boost your energy levels on a budget. We'll talk about how to bring hobbies, community, and people into your life like fitness trainers, personal chefs, personal assistants...and not break the bank. You'll learn how to focus on only the things that you do really well and that bring you joy, and outsource or systemize the rest.

When things in our life are out of order, disorganized, not clean..and when we're out of shape or not keeping up with eating healthily, we start to feel bad about ourselves and it causes negative ripple effects in other areas of our life.

We really need to get our priorities straight. So often I see women say they don't have enough to hire a fitness trainer but they're shopping in Amazon for their next pair of shoes. 

In order to, to elevate your life, you have to actually commit to the idea of investing in yourself, and know that you are worth it. Know the value of you living a healthy life,...

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How will I know if he's the right guy?

In this episode I'll be answering a listener question: How will I know if he's the right guy? She also feared that she may have so much self worth and love that no guy will ever be good enough for her. So if you've asked yourself similar questions, you'll want to tune in to this episode!

There are tons of "lists" out there that you'll find on Buzzfeed or wherever, but you know I always say there are no hard and fast "rules" in love, or one size fits all. So, this is a list of some simple things to look out for and what I've personally experienced after dating many guys who were definitely NOT the right one, and finally finding the guy who is. 

I also discuss how to be supportive and compassionate, without playing the role of his therapist and trying to help him heal when it's too big for you to handle (because you're not his therapist!!). 

The top three things are:

1. You're having fun with them all the time. Even the moments in life that are...

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Will he complete me? Finding what makes YOUR heart sing

Are you sitting there, waiting to find someone to "complete" you?

Do you feel like your life won't really begin, or you can't let it begin, without finding "The One"?

Are you feeling purposeless and unfulfilled in your life, and thinking if you could just find the guy, things would finally all fall into place and you'll be happy?

Then you NEED to hear this episode my girl!!

Unfortunately, Hollywood gives us this perception that we are all incomplete people, and we need to find the one who will complete us and we'll ride happily into the sunset. 

It's a lie. We must first learn to see ourselves as complete, and love ourselves just as we are right now. We must focus on fulfilling our own lives and stop waiting for the guy.

In this episode, I dive into how you can start finding fulfillment in your life while you are single, and really enjoy the single phase. 

I also discuss:

  • How Gumball Love became my calling..I didn't just stumble onto it and I didn't always know that this...
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Is Your Ex Still in Your Head?

Are you carrying around the weight of how your ex made you feel not good enough, into new relationships? Or maybe it's even affecting relationships with friends, family, or your work life. Don't beat yourself up about it or carry shame around about it!

"You're still gonna miss a guy that treated you poorly. It's part of the process."

You have so much love to give, and yet when you try to give this love, the men you're with question it. They doubt you and your love. Which gets into your head, and now you're questioning your own worth and value.

Now, when you try to date or get into a new relationship, you're questioning everything you say and do, and analyzing everything he says about you. It's exhausting.

The message I want to get across in this episode is that:

  1. These men are insecure, so they try to dim your light to make themselves feel better
  2. We all come from messy backgrounds, many of us didn't receive healthy love with our parents, so we need to do our own work to heal...
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How to Stop Anxiety

When we are experiencing anxiety, it often means we are focusing on and worrying about things that are out of our control. 2020 has been full of things out of our control, so let's talk about how to soothe ourselves when anxiety starts creeping up and stop it from taking over us!

First, I'll chat about what anxiety is and what can cause it. Then, I'll be sharing with you everything that has worked for me for grounding myself in those moments where anxiety becomes overwhelming. 

As always, remember that there is NOTHING wrong with you. Anxiety is not a part of you, it's normal, and it's something we can manage.

 

How to Stop Anxiety

  1. Write down the things that you do have right now that make you stable on the most basic survival level. Do you have food, shelter, water, security?
  2. Then write what you have in terms of physical health. Do you have all five senses? All fingers and toes? 
  3. Next write down your support system- who you have to rely on, your close...
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Do You Have an Anxious Attachment Style in Relationships?

"My longterm mission is to help as many people as possible get healthy themselves, find healthy partners, and have healthy children." -Melissa Leger

"How you formed an attachment to your caregivers in infancy often sets the tone for how you experience your adult relationships.

If your parents were slow or inconsistent with tending to your needs, you might have become anxiously attached.

When you’re an adult, you may subconsciously repeat similar behaviors you experienced in childhood, in your romantic relationships." Source.

We can talk about avoiding red flags and Gumball Guys, but when it comes to actually being in a healthy relationship and being attracted to a healthy relationship, I want to bring to your attention that you may have anxiety around the actual attachment part.

We don't have to be perfect and totally secure before entering a relationship, but it's important to become aware of your attachment style so that you can sooth yourself and know what...

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