"My longterm mission is to help as many people as possible get healthy themselves, find healthy partners, and have healthy children." -Melissa Leger
"How you formed an attachment to your caregivers in infancy often sets the tone for how you experience your adult relationships.
If your parents were slow or inconsistent with tending to your needs, you might have become anxiously attached.
When you’re an adult, you may subconsciously repeat similar behaviors you experienced in childhood, in your romantic relationships." Source.
We can talk about avoiding red flags and Gumball Guys, but when it comes to actually being in a healthy relationship and being attracted to a healthy relationship, I want to bring to your attention that you may have anxiety around the actual attachment part.
We don't have to be perfect and totally secure before entering a relationship, but it's important to become aware of your attachment style so that you can sooth yourself and know what...
Sometimes we'd do more to help our friends than we do to help ourselves. We have the best intentions and think we're helping her get over this jerk guy she's dating, but sometimes we're actually making the process longer for her.
This episode will teach you how to compassionately help your friend (or your daughter, or your mom, whoever!) through this tough time, and might even show you how you can be more compassionate to yourself. I have for you 23 tips and questions to ask that I personally use when I'm coaching my girls, to help her see for herself that he is a jerk. You'll find out why telling her to leave him is NOT effective.
"The goal of the conversation is never to get her to break up with him. Ever." -Melissa Leger, dating expert and creator of Gumball Love
Book a doctors...
Why do we date the wrong guy over and over again? I've covered a lot in the past about why the bad guys (the Gumball Guys) act the way they do, but it's time to talk about YOU. There's two people involved in these relationships and you're one of them, so what's your part in all of this?
In this podcast episode I will cover 9 reasons why you might be caught in this pattern of always dating bad guys (even when you've spent time in therapy!). By the end of this episode you will have the questions to ask yourself in order to really become self-aware about your behavioral patterns and where they came from. You'll also know how joining the Back to YOU Academy can help you go even deeper on finding the root cause of these behaviors and how to truly heal.
1. Block Him
Did you know that before you have a one on one coaching session with me, I don't really know exactly what I'm going to say to you?
It's because each and every one of my girls is a totally different person with their own story and challenges. I will customize the call to fit your specific needs.
My message to you in this podcast episode is that we often get caught up in the pressure of trying to do things the "right" way and to force a certain timeline in our pursuit of love. But whose right way? Whose timeline?
We are not meant to all be the same. And we're not meant to all find our life partner in the same way and in the same timeframe.
We ARE all meant to find our purpose, and we can't do that if we continue to put so much pressure and stress on ourselves to be like everyone else or meet everyone else's expectations.
You feel the most alone...
Everyone on this earth is capable of finding real, lasting love, and everyone deserves it. But not everyone knows, REALLY knows and feels in their heart that they deserve it.
This episode is for YOU if:
You were born fully capable of sending and receiving real love. And somewhere along the way, the difference between real love and Gumball love (attention addiction) got lost. But it's not gone forever. Transformations happen, I see them every day in the women I coach one on one and in the Back to YOU Academy, and you can transform, too.
I'm fired up in this episode (again) but it comes from a place of love. I see your worth and value so...
Healthy boundaries are becoming more and more of a popular topic these days. If you didn't grow up in a family with healthy boundaries (and many of us didn't) you wouldn't even know what boundaries look like or that you could have them.
Having boundaries is important because it preserves our energy. If you're constantly letting people in who suck away your energy, you will be left totally empty, exhausted, and unable to operate at your highest frequency. The world needs your light and your energy, so let's get this sorted!
In this podcast episode we'll cover:
We've all heard the advice before to "take it slow" so that we don't get hurt again. When a guy says this to you, or when you're thinking you need to do this with a new guy, it may seem sensible, but it's really not.
It's another form of manipulation and control. It's saying, "I haven't done the work to heal from my past relationship, and so I'm going to carry that into this relationship and I expect you to sensor yourself so that I'm not triggered, thank you very much."
In episode 42, we cover:
The Cosmo magazines of the world will tell you you're being ghosted because you're too clingy, or revealing emotions too soon. Guys will tell you they just forgot or don't like to be on their phone all the time. But is that really the case, or is there a deeper, more psychological reason?
A guy from an online dating app texts you, "Hey, what's up." You continue on with a shallow text conversation for a while and finally ask..."Should we meet up?" Suddenly, he becomes the busiest guy in the world and can't find any time to pencil you in but keeps promising you'll meet up some vague time in the future.
By the end of this episode you will know why he does this, why it has nothing to do with you, and you will understand the true pain behind his shallow, distant texts. You will be able to separate his behavior from your self worth.
In this episode, I cover:
Wow, episode number 40!! Thank you all so much who have been listening from the beginning, and those who have joined along the way.
In this episode, I get really vulnerable with you. I want to let you in on what I've struggled with along this journey of coaching and sharing the Gumball Love concept.
As a challenge to you AND to myself, we need to start claiming our success. When someone falls in love with us and sees our best qualities, we need to be able to receive that love.
I let you in on what it was really like for me trying to get this concept of Gumball Love started 10 years ago. It took me a long, long time of fighting my own fears and doubts in order to finally put this idea out there.
And even today, those old feelings of embarrassment creep up--it's hard for me to receive the praise from the girls in the...
One of the girls in the Back to YOU Academy had an amazing revelation that I HAD to share with you (without sharing her name, of course!).
She was about to be going on a date with someone she met online.
And thought, as she was doing the make-up, the hair, choosing the right dress..."Who am I really getting ready for? Why am I dressing up and putting in all this effort for these guys who I don't even know?"
She is still healing from a past relationship and hasn't really gotten to a place yet where she knows who she is and is comfortable in her own skin.
She realized these dates are just a momentary escape that don't really serve her.
She was molding into whatever these guys wanted her to be, and not truly just being herself..because she doesn't know who that is. YET.
The real person you need to be dating right now is in the mirror.
So that eventually, when...