LISTEN TO THE LATEST GUMBALL LOVE PODCAST EPISODE ▷

What the Player Actually Wants

I need your help! It's getting soo juicy writing this book, we're really beginning to pull apart the layers and get extra specific about each different type of Gumball Guy and how you can recognize them.

I (and my partner and close friends) re-worked the naming of the different types of Gumball Guys to make it even more clear and I want your feedback!

In this episode I give an overview of all the different "flavors" of Gumball Guys that is (hopefully) more clear and precise than ever before, so PLEASE let me know your feedback!

We especially dive into the red/sex gumball again which is now called Arouse Me and nick-named "The Player". Learn all about the red flags that you're dealing with a player here!

Everyone who has been with me the past few years and replying to my posts in the private Facebook group, and DMing me on Instagram, your stories and thoughts are truly invaluable in helping to shape these concepts. If you think your story should be in this book, I'm open to receiving...

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How to Stop Getting Caught Up in the Fantasy

Are you constantly caught up in unrealistic day dreams about a guy you just met or have been talking to for a while?

It's so easy for us to come up with these elaborate romantic scenarios where the bad guy turns into the good guy, or he "saves" you from something, or whatever is yours.

Why do we get so caught up in these stories and become obsessed with the guy so quickly?

Think back to the movies you've watched, the books you've read, and the songs you've grown up with. These depict an unrealistic expectation of romance and love that leads us to float on a fairytale cloud for a while, only to come crashing down when reality hits. 

In this episode, we discuss:

  • How media has influenced our perception of love
  • How to uncover what your current perception of love is
  • Signs you're caught up in an unrealistic fantasy with a Gumball Guy
  • What types of things you actually should be fantasizing about
  • What to expect from real love

As always, if any of this resonates with you,...

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Why You Need to Slow Down for True Love

In this episode, I felt called to discuss this urgency around needing to "fix" yourself so you can find the right guy and enter into a healthy relationship. I want to tell you to slow down, because trying to go fast and force it will only make the process longer. 

In this episode, I discuss:

  • Why you need to slow down on the urgency to "fix all your issues" and find the guy
  • How you don't have to be totally perfect and without insecurities to enter a relationship
  • How I handle my personal insecurities when they come up
  • Stop idolizing all the couples who appear so perfect and happy on Instagram
  • Qualities I've found in the love of my life that make him a great partner, and what makes our relationship great
  • Get yourself ready to be able to receive love, but don't rush it. Take your time.

Follow and Work with Melissa

  • The Back to You Academy is officially closed, but you can still work with Melissa one-on-one! Click here to view services or reach out via email: ...
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Does He Want Love or a Hook Up?

Many of you have been coming into my DMs or writing in the private Facebook group asking about what are the red flags to know if he's really looking for love or just a hook up?

And I'm going to share these red flags with you in this podcast, but I'm also gonna give you some tough love, because while knowing red flags is great, we need to stop focusing so much on them.

What should you really be focusing on? 

YOURSELF!

If you don't know who you are and what you want, it doesn't even matter if you know the red flags. 

And while red flags don't really ever change and can generally be applied as a rule of thumb, your values and the things you're specifically looking for in a partner are highly personal. That means that no one...not I, not another relationship expert...can tell you what to look for. 

Join me in this episode as I get real with you about red flags to look for, and how to start thinking about dating differently so you can filter out the bad guys and...

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Are You Caught in the Cycle of Playing Games?

After hearing this content about Gumball Love and attention addiction for a while, many of you come to me in the DMs worried that YOU are actually a Gumball Girl.

Most of the time, you are not. Sometimes we are the ones giving and receiving gumballs, and it feels good to get that dopamine hit. This isn't always a bad thing, if your relationship with this guy is not SOLELY based on these dopamine hits.

It becomes a problem when the guy is not seeking anything more than a quick "high", and there is no deeper level of intimacy and friendship holding the relationship together, when that's really what you want and are waiting for.

If you're worried you are a Gumball Girl, wondering why you keep ending up with Gumball Guys, or wondering why you're always caught up playing games in dating, this episode will help you decode what you are getting out of being with these guys and playing the games.

Once you can understand why you're behaving the way you are, you can...

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The White Gumball: Prove Yourself to Me

When you're in a new relationship or just starting to go on a few dates with a guy, do you ever feel like you're being evaluated against some checklist on a clipboard?

He says things like, "When you do that it reminds me of my ex, who cheated on me..." or "I have trust issues so I can't handle it when you...". Then you find yourself doing backflips and performing trying to prove that you won't hurt him like the last girl. Things will be different this time, I'm not like the other girls!!

But he's still skeptical. And the more energy you spend trying to prove yourself, the more you lose part of your identity, the more your self confidence weakens, and the more you fall under his control.

And the more dopamine hits he gets so he can feel soothed, comforted by the fact that you probably won't leave him like the last girl.

Welcome to the last episode in this "flavors of attention" series! We've covered each Gumball flavor/color that correlates to a type of attention addiction that...

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The Pink Gumball: It's All About Me

Welcome back to this series, where we're talking about all the flavors of attention that the wrong guys want. They make us think that they're falling for us, but they're getting high off of attention and they're not actually building true and lasting connection.

I share this with you so you can understand how to filter unhealthy men and people out. So you don't waste your time on the people that are just taking from you, the people that are not really investing and focused on your life.

I've assigned each type of attention as a "flavor of attention" with all the different gumball flavors, and so far we've already covered red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple...and this episode is about pink! 

I encourage you to listen to the episodes about the other ones first, the links are at the bottom!

When a guy wants the Pink Gumball type of attention, he's the one who always makes every conversation about him. You could say anything, and he'll always turn it back to...

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The Purple Gumball: Chase Me

"Work is so crazy right now, but we should meet up soon." -text from a guy, probably sitting on his couch, who wants the Purple Gumball

If you're new to Gumball Love, welcome! Gumball Love is a concept created to help women see the red flags of fake love, and be able to identify real, unconditional love.

Each flavor "Gumball" represents a type of attention that a person is seeking from you. They will give you a "quarter" so you give them a gumball, and then they get "high" off the attention, like a sugar rush. They may therefore act like they care for you and love you, but it's really just to get the kind of attention they want from you.

I've been doing a podcast series going into depth and detail about each flavor gumball, or each type of attention, so you can really start to see the nuances and get really good at spotting the guys who aren't seeking a real intimate connection. The links to previous episodes in the series are at the bottom, I suggest you start from the...

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The Blue Gumball: Pity Me

Welcome back! If you haven't been following the Gumball Colors series, I'm going through all eight colors of the flavors of Gumball Love. If you're brand new to Gumball Love, Gumball Love is the addiction to attention, or to the rush that attention gives us. 

I suggest if you haven't already, start back at the beginning of the series and listen to the first four colors before moving on to this one. The links are at the bottom of this post for quick access. 

This episode is about the Blue Gumball, or as I like to call it, "Pity Me". This is the guy (or person, if it's one of your friends or family members), who is always complaining about everything and wants your constant sympathy and pity. You try and give them advice, but they never take action on anything. They just want to hear themselves complain.

We all have our low moments where sometimes we just want to vent, and we just need a pep talk. But there is a difference between this, and the unhealthy...

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The Green Gumball: Compete with Her for Me

In the past few episodes, I've been going over the different gumball "flavors" or different types of attention that Gumball Guys crave so that you can start to watch out for the red flags.

The Red Gumball  is all about sex, the Orange is all about stirring up drama, the Yellow wants you to constantly be entertaining him and keeping your attention on him, and now, we come to the Green Gumball guy: Green with Envy, Compete with Her for Me. 

This is the guy who you'll be sitting with at your first or second date and he says, "I've gone on a few dates with this other girl, and I really thought she was it for me, but now that I've met you...I really like you too. I'm just not sure."

Just imagine, how do you feel in that moment?

You may feel the sudden urge to prove yourself worthy. Prove that YOU'RE the right choice, and start to compete with her. And that's exactly what gives him the high.

Or, you might be at a restaurant with him on a date, and he starts flirting with...

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