Why do we date the wrong guy over and over again? I've covered a lot in the past about why the bad guys (the Gumball Guys) act the way they do, but it's time to talk about YOU. There's two people involved in these relationships and you're one of them, so what's your part in all of this?
In this podcast episode I will cover 9 reasons why you might be caught in this pattern of always dating bad guys (even when you've spent time in therapy!). By the end of this episode you will have the questions to ask yourself in order to really become self-aware about your behavioral patterns and where they came from. You'll also know how joining the Back to YOU Academy can help you go even deeper on finding the root cause of these behaviors and how to truly heal.
1. Block Him
Did you know that before you have a one on one coaching session with me, I don't really know exactly what I'm going to say to you?
It's because each and every one of my girls is a totally different person with their own story and challenges. I will customize the call to fit your specific needs.
My message to you in this podcast episode is that we often get caught up in the pressure of trying to do things the "right" way and to force a certain timeline in our pursuit of love. But whose right way? Whose timeline?
We are not meant to all be the same. And we're not meant to all find our life partner in the same way and in the same timeframe.
We ARE all meant to find our purpose, and we can't do that if we continue to put so much pressure and stress on ourselves to be like everyone else or meet everyone else's expectations.
You feel the most alone...
Everyone on this earth is capable of finding real, lasting love, and everyone deserves it. But not everyone knows, REALLY knows and feels in their heart that they deserve it.
This episode is for YOU if:
You were born fully capable of sending and receiving real love. And somewhere along the way, the difference between real love and Gumball love (attention addiction) got lost. But it's not gone forever. Transformations happen, I see them every day in the women I coach one on one and in the Back to YOU Academy, and you can transform, too.
I'm fired up in this episode (again) but it comes from a place of love. I see your worth and value so...
Are you confident in being able to distinguish between a good guy and a Gumball Guy on your own? How long does it take you to determine he's not the right one? After this podcast, you'll have a bloodhound nose for sniffing out the bad guys quickly just like me (I just got a puppy so my mind is SO on dogs!!).
If you've been following this podcast for a while, chances are by now you've come to terms with the fact that your ex was a Gumball Guy, or the guy you're dating now is a Gumball Guy (and if not, go back to the beginning!) :)
But now, as you enter back into the dating scene, you might find it difficult to trust your own judgement. You might have a hunch this guy is a Gumball Guy but you're second-guessing yourself. And the longer you are not sure and continue to feel him out, the more time you're wasting, and the more danger you're in of really falling for a Gumball Guy again.
I bet you're saying, "Melissa! I wish you could be sitting at the next table in a disguise...
The Cosmo magazines of the world will tell you you're being ghosted because you're too clingy, or revealing emotions too soon. Guys will tell you they just forgot or don't like to be on their phone all the time. But is that really the case, or is there a deeper, more psychological reason?
A guy from an online dating app texts you, "Hey, what's up." You continue on with a shallow text conversation for a while and finally ask..."Should we meet up?" Suddenly, he becomes the busiest guy in the world and can't find any time to pencil you in but keeps promising you'll meet up some vague time in the future.
By the end of this episode you will know why he does this, why it has nothing to do with you, and you will understand the true pain behind his shallow, distant texts. You will be able to separate his behavior from your self worth.
In this episode, I cover:
Wow, episode number 40!! Thank you all so much who have been listening from the beginning, and those who have joined along the way.
In this episode, I get really vulnerable with you. I want to let you in on what I've struggled with along this journey of coaching and sharing the Gumball Love concept.
As a challenge to you AND to myself, we need to start claiming our success. When someone falls in love with us and sees our best qualities, we need to be able to receive that love.
I let you in on what it was really like for me trying to get this concept of Gumball Love started 10 years ago. It took me a long, long time of fighting my own fears and doubts in order to finally put this idea out there.
And even today, those old feelings of embarrassment creep up--it's hard for me to receive the praise from the girls in the...
One of the girls in the Back to YOU Academy had an amazing revelation that I HAD to share with you (without sharing her name, of course!).
She was about to be going on a date with someone she met online.
And thought, as she was doing the make-up, the hair, choosing the right dress..."Who am I really getting ready for? Why am I dressing up and putting in all this effort for these guys who I don't even know?"
She is still healing from a past relationship and hasn't really gotten to a place yet where she knows who she is and is comfortable in her own skin.
She realized these dates are just a momentary escape that don't really serve her.
She was molding into whatever these guys wanted her to be, and not truly just being herself..because she doesn't know who that is. YET.
The real person you need to be dating right now is in the mirror.
So that eventually, when...
Are you ready to date again? You recently got out of a toxic relationship...cheers to you! So how do you know if you're ready to get back into the dating scene or if you should take a break?
We all know that saying..."To get over him you have to get under someone else." Does that really work? It "works" for Gumball People. And you are not a Gumball Person, because you're reading this post!
In this episode I go over why it's important to hold off on dating after a toxic relationship and how to get ready to date again with examples and of course, analogies...you know I love analogies;)
We underestimate the damage of being in a toxic relationship. Our Gumball ex is that voice of doubt in the back of our minds whenever we do something. Like when you're trying to decide if you should buy a plant or a...
Girl, I see you. You're a strong, independent woman. You've worked hard. You got that big promotion. You're making your own money. You made that big achievement.
For a long time, as you've been focused on your career, you've been saying, "I don't need no man."
You definitely don't need a man, can't argue with that, but you're here listening to this podcast because you WANT one. And why is it so hard to find one who doesn't turn into a big disappointment? When will Mr. Right appear?
I'm about to give you some tough love.
You're strong and independent because at some point in your childhood or in early dating experiences you learned that you're on your own, you were made to feel that you're not valued, and so you had to tell yourself that you don't need anyone and to prove your worth through your...
The Gumball Love Podcast is registered to be nominated for the People's Choice Podcast Awards 2019. If you've benefited from the message of this podcast and would like more people to hear it, please head to the bottom of this blog post for information on how to nominate the podcast. I would appreciate it SO much!
In 2017, Alicia Smokler was featured on Million Dollar Matchmaker, a reality TV show hosted by relationship expert Patti Stanger, who's goal is to help wealthy celebrity clients find love. Through Patti's advice, Alicia was selected out of several other girls by the millionaire to go on a one-on-one date.
Though it was a nice date and Alicia made a good friend out of the experience, it wasn't love, and so she's been on a journey of being single and dating after 30 ever since. She has so many dating...