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Should You Leave Him?

This episode is dedicated to all you out there who are currently in a relationship, and starting to consider if this relationship is no longer healthy for you and if you should leave.

It's a scary place to be in...you've no doubt poured a lot of time, energy, love and effort into making this thing work. He likely showed you a much better version of himself to you at the beginning stages, and it's hard to accept that things have changed, and even harder to understand why they changed.

That's why as a coach, I'll never tell you to leave immediately. Often when we talk to our friends, they think they're doing something good by saying "Just leave him, you deserve so much better!"

And it's true, you do deserve better, but we can't just turn off all the emotions that were built over time. We can't just erase all the good times from our memories. Maybe you've gotten close with his friends or family members. It's complex and messy.

This is why all you really need to do right now, is to...

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The Pink Gumball: It's All About Me

Welcome back to this series, where we're talking about all the flavors of attention that the wrong guys want. They make us think that they're falling for us, but they're getting high off of attention and they're not actually building true and lasting connection.

I share this with you so you can understand how to filter unhealthy men and people out. So you don't waste your time on the people that are just taking from you, the people that are not really investing and focused on your life.

I've assigned each type of attention as a "flavor of attention" with all the different gumball flavors, and so far we've already covered red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple...and this episode is about pink! 

I encourage you to listen to the episodes about the other ones first, the links are at the bottom!

When a guy wants the Pink Gumball type of attention, he's the one who always makes every conversation about him. You could say anything, and he'll always turn it back to...

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The Blue Gumball: Pity Me

Welcome back! If you haven't been following the Gumball Colors series, I'm going through all eight colors of the flavors of Gumball Love. If you're brand new to Gumball Love, Gumball Love is the addiction to attention, or to the rush that attention gives us. 

I suggest if you haven't already, start back at the beginning of the series and listen to the first four colors before moving on to this one. The links are at the bottom of this post for quick access. 

This episode is about the Blue Gumball, or as I like to call it, "Pity Me". This is the guy (or person, if it's one of your friends or family members), who is always complaining about everything and wants your constant sympathy and pity. You try and give them advice, but they never take action on anything. They just want to hear themselves complain.

We all have our low moments where sometimes we just want to vent, and we just need a pep talk. But there is a difference between this, and the unhealthy...

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The Yellow Gumball Guy: Entertain ME

Does it feel like you always have to be entertaining your guy, or he's bored?

A while back I'd started a series assigning a different color or "flavor of attention" to each type of Gumball Guy.

I've already done an episode on the Red Gumball, which is the guy who is all about sex, and the Orange Gumball, which is the guy who wants the intense drama. 

In this episode, I talk about the Yellow Gumball, which is the guy who wants you to entertain him or put all your attention on him. He's that guy who is like a giant fussy baby...always too hot, too cold, the music is too loud or not loud enough, he's tired, he's bored at the party asking how much longer you have to stay. 

He's looking on his phone rather than paying attention to anyone around him, if the attention isn't on him he's uninterested.

All conversations tend to be about him or things he's interested in. So when it's something you're interested in, you feel like you have a limited amount of time that you can...

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How will I know if he's the right guy?

In this episode I'll be answering a listener question: How will I know if he's the right guy? She also feared that she may have so much self worth and love that no guy will ever be good enough for her. So if you've asked yourself similar questions, you'll want to tune in to this episode!

There are tons of "lists" out there that you'll find on Buzzfeed or wherever, but you know I always say there are no hard and fast "rules" in love, or one size fits all. So, this is a list of some simple things to look out for and what I've personally experienced after dating many guys who were definitely NOT the right one, and finally finding the guy who is. 

I also discuss how to be supportive and compassionate, without playing the role of his therapist and trying to help him heal when it's too big for you to handle (because you're not his therapist!!). 

The top three things are:

1. You're having fun with them all the time. Even the moments in life that are...

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Does He Need the Chase? (And big announcement!!) [Podcast EP 51]

Today I will be announcing a BIG EXCITING announcement about the Back to YOU Academy and membership program!! Listen in for details:D

Also, I'll be addressing an interesting thing a dude said to one of the girls I’m coaching. After a while of fun dates, he expressed that he’s no longer interested, with the reasoning: “I guess I just need the chase.”

The chase.

An ages-old tactic that still makes its way into dating advice articles for some reason. The idea that the woman has to be mysterious, and not give away too much, to keep the guy on the hook so he keeps interested.

But is this tactic legitimate? Let’s stop and REALLY examine this. So often we hear it and we just take it at surface level because we’ve heard it over and over so it becomes just part of the things we “know” until they’re proven wrong (like how we “need” to eat meat to get enough protein).

So when he says he needs the chase, what does that really...

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The Biggest Lie We're Told As Women [Podcast EP 50]

Why do men cheat? The answers to this question that you'll find online or that a cheater will tell you are the biggest lies we are told as women. The answers are made to make us feel as though we are somehow responsible for their behavior and that we have the power to change it.

Cheater/society: "All men cheat."

Mainstream media response: "8 ways to spice up your love life so he doesn't want to cheat!" 

In this episode I'll be referencing the work of therapist Dr. Robert Weiss in his article, 13 Reasons Why Men Cheat and applying the Gumball Love concept so we can understand the difference between the lies and the bad dating advice, and the truth and good dating advice.

 

You can also download and subscribe to this podcast for free on Apple PodcastsGoogle Podcasts, or Spotify, or listen on Youtube.


But first! Self-Care Tip of the Week

Get a facial monthly or quarterly! Facials are a time for relaxation. You get to put the...

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My friend is dating a jerk, how can I help her? [Podcast EP 49]

Sometimes we'd do more to help our friends than we do to help ourselves. We have the best intentions and think we're helping her get over this jerk guy she's dating, but sometimes we're actually making the process longer for her.

This episode will teach you how to compassionately help your friend (or your daughter, or your mom, whoever!) through this tough time, and might even show you how you can be more compassionate to yourself. I have for you 23 tips and questions to ask that I personally use when I'm coaching my girls, to help her see for herself that he is a jerk. You'll find out why telling her to leave him is NOT effective. 

"The goal of the conversation is never to get her to break up with him. Ever." -Melissa Leger, dating expert and creator of Gumball Love

 You can also download and subscribe to this podcast for free on Apple PodcastsGoogle Podcasts, or Spotify, or listen on Youtube.


First! This weeks self care tip:

Book a doctors...

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Why do we always attract the wrong guy? [Podcast EP 48]

Why do we date the wrong guy over and over again? I've covered a lot in the past about why the bad guys (the Gumball Guys) act the way they do, but it's time to talk about YOU. There's two people involved in these relationships and you're one of them, so what's your part in all of this?

In this podcast episode I will cover 9 reasons why you might be caught in this pattern of always dating bad guys (even when you've spent time in therapy!). By the end of this episode you will have the questions to ask yourself in order to really become self-aware about your behavioral patterns and where they came from. You'll also know how joining the Back to YOU Academy can help you go even deeper on finding the root cause of these behaviors and how to truly heal. 

 You can also download and subscribe to this podcast for free on Apple PodcastsGoogle Podcasts, or Spotify, or listen on Youtube.


But first, two self care tips for the week!

1. Block Him

If you've...

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