LISTEN TO THE LATEST GUMBALL LOVE PODCAST EPISODE ▷

Does He Have the Capacity to Love?

When we've dated Gumball Guys in the past, often it's daunting and scary to get back into dating because we've been burned before. We're a bit jaded and skeptical that all guys are jerks.

Well, hindsight is always 20/20, but we can try some things during the dating stage to test the waters and see if he's really ready for love and commitment. 

Junk "dating advice" will give you a lot of short-term strategies for getting a Gumball Guy. Well, ya got him..and now you wish you never met him. This episode is about LONG-TERM..how to actually find the right guy for you, who will be someone you can lean on in tough times, a teammate to take on life together.

Tune in to this episode to find out what type of inner work you should be doing to see if you are ready for love, as well as what you should be looking out for in a guy to see if he has the capacity to love as well.

Resources Mentioned

How to Do the Work by Nicole LePera

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Lessons Learned after 51 First Dates with Romance Novel Author Jolie Moore

An avid listener of the Gumball Love Podcast, Jolie reached out to me via email after listening to the episodes describing the different flavors of attention addiction. I was so impressed with how she was able to connect each "flavor" to a real life Gumball Guy she'd met over the course of her 51 first dates, I had to get her on the show!

Yes, after spending 20 years married to the wrong person, Jolie got divorced and set out to go on 50 first dates. Jolie openly shares this journey through her memoir and podcast titled "Fifty First Dates". She's also an author of several other romantic novels

This episode is like "casual girl chat meets real coaching session". We totally dig into her current dating situation with a Gumball Guy, and decode his behaviors using the flavors of attention addiction. 

We hear about what patterns she saw after going on so many first dates, how she learned to #filterlikeafreak and not just be open to anyone, what advice she'd...

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What the Player Actually Wants

I need your help! It's getting soo juicy writing this book, we're really beginning to pull apart the layers and get extra specific about each different type of Gumball Guy and how you can recognize them.

I (and my partner and close friends) re-worked the naming of the different types of Gumball Guys to make it even more clear and I want your feedback!

In this episode I give an overview of all the different "flavors" of Gumball Guys that is (hopefully) more clear and precise than ever before, so PLEASE let me know your feedback!

We especially dive into the red/sex gumball again which is now called Arouse Me and nick-named "The Player". Learn all about the red flags that you're dealing with a player here!

Everyone who has been with me the past few years and replying to my posts in the private Facebook group, and DMing me on Instagram, your stories and thoughts are truly invaluable in helping to shape these concepts. If you think your story should be in this book, I'm open to receiving...

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Are You Caught in the Cycle of Playing Games?

After hearing this content about Gumball Love and attention addiction for a while, many of you come to me in the DMs worried that YOU are actually a Gumball Girl.

Most of the time, you are not. Sometimes we are the ones giving and receiving gumballs, and it feels good to get that dopamine hit. This isn't always a bad thing, if your relationship with this guy is not SOLELY based on these dopamine hits.

It becomes a problem when the guy is not seeking anything more than a quick "high", and there is no deeper level of intimacy and friendship holding the relationship together, when that's really what you want and are waiting for.

If you're worried you are a Gumball Girl, wondering why you keep ending up with Gumball Guys, or wondering why you're always caught up playing games in dating, this episode will help you decode what you are getting out of being with these guys and playing the games.

Once you can understand why you're behaving the way you are, you can...

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Why isn't he texting back?

We've all been there...you're texting back and forth with a guy, and the responses are pretty quick in the beginning, everything is exciting, you're getting the butterflies....and gradually, the responses get slower and slower to be returned (or, it's very sudden that he's taking so long to reply).

You start to freak out, thinking he's not interested in you, he's texting another girl, or whatever else our creative minds think up! Your natural response may be to scold him and educate him on how he should be responding, but I want you to consider a different approach.

In this episode, I walk you through the reasons why he may not be texting back right away, why you shouldn't freak out and start imagining worse case scenarios, why you should just wait it out, and what it looks like when you're texting a healthy guy.

Other episodes mentioned

5 signs to tell early on he's not the right one

Follow and Work with Melissa

  • The Back to You Academy is officially closed, but you can still work...
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How to Deal with Gaslighting

In this episode, we're digging into gaslighting. If you haven't heard of gaslighting before, it's defined as:

"Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that's seen in abusive relationships. It's the act of manipulating a person by forcing them to question their thoughts, memories, and the events occurring around them. A victim of gaslighting can be pushed so far that they question their own sanity."

If you've ever been in a situation where someone was accusing you of something that you really don't remember doing or saying, or they're totally exaggerating something you did or said and making you doubt your own judgement of reality, you're likely being gaslit.

It's a very unhealthy and damaging experience, because the more the abuser leads you to doubt yourself, the less confidence you have, the weaker you become, and the more susceptible you are to further gaslighting, and the cycle continues.

If you think you're experiencing this, you are not alone, and not all hope...

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The White Gumball: Prove Yourself to Me

When you're in a new relationship or just starting to go on a few dates with a guy, do you ever feel like you're being evaluated against some checklist on a clipboard?

He says things like, "When you do that it reminds me of my ex, who cheated on me..." or "I have trust issues so I can't handle it when you...". Then you find yourself doing backflips and performing trying to prove that you won't hurt him like the last girl. Things will be different this time, I'm not like the other girls!!

But he's still skeptical. And the more energy you spend trying to prove yourself, the more you lose part of your identity, the more your self confidence weakens, and the more you fall under his control.

And the more dopamine hits he gets so he can feel soothed, comforted by the fact that you probably won't leave him like the last girl.

Welcome to the last episode in this "flavors of attention" series! We've covered each Gumball flavor/color that correlates to a type of attention addiction that...

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The Pink Gumball: It's All About Me

Welcome back to this series, where we're talking about all the flavors of attention that the wrong guys want. They make us think that they're falling for us, but they're getting high off of attention and they're not actually building true and lasting connection.

I share this with you so you can understand how to filter unhealthy men and people out. So you don't waste your time on the people that are just taking from you, the people that are not really investing and focused on your life.

I've assigned each type of attention as a "flavor of attention" with all the different gumball flavors, and so far we've already covered red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple...and this episode is about pink! 

I encourage you to listen to the episodes about the other ones first, the links are at the bottom!

When a guy wants the Pink Gumball type of attention, he's the one who always makes every conversation about him. You could say anything, and he'll always turn it back to...

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The Purple Gumball: Chase Me

"Work is so crazy right now, but we should meet up soon." -text from a guy, probably sitting on his couch, who wants the Purple Gumball

If you're new to Gumball Love, welcome! Gumball Love is a concept created to help women see the red flags of fake love, and be able to identify real, unconditional love.

Each flavor "Gumball" represents a type of attention that a person is seeking from you. They will give you a "quarter" so you give them a gumball, and then they get "high" off the attention, like a sugar rush. They may therefore act like they care for you and love you, but it's really just to get the kind of attention they want from you.

I've been doing a podcast series going into depth and detail about each flavor gumball, or each type of attention, so you can really start to see the nuances and get really good at spotting the guys who aren't seeking a real intimate connection. The links to previous episodes in the series are at the bottom, I suggest you start from the...

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The Green Gumball: Compete with Her for Me

In the past few episodes, I've been going over the different gumball "flavors" or different types of attention that Gumball Guys crave so that you can start to watch out for the red flags.

The Red Gumball  is all about sex, the Orange is all about stirring up drama, the Yellow wants you to constantly be entertaining him and keeping your attention on him, and now, we come to the Green Gumball guy: Green with Envy, Compete with Her for Me. 

This is the guy who you'll be sitting with at your first or second date and he says, "I've gone on a few dates with this other girl, and I really thought she was it for me, but now that I've met you...I really like you too. I'm just not sure."

Just imagine, how do you feel in that moment?

You may feel the sudden urge to prove yourself worthy. Prove that YOU'RE the right choice, and start to compete with her. And that's exactly what gives him the high.

Or, you might be at a restaurant with him on a date, and he starts flirting with...

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