In this episode, I felt called to discuss this urgency around needing to "fix" yourself so you can find the right guy and enter into a healthy relationship. I want to tell you to slow down, because trying to go fast and force it will only make the process longer. 

In this episode, I discuss:

• Why you need to slow down on the urgency to "fix all your issues" and find the guy
• How you don't have to be totally perfect and without insecurities to enter a relationship
• How I handle my personal insecurities when they come up
• Stop idolizing all the couples who appear so perfect and happy on Instagram
• Qualities I've found in the love of my life that make him a great partner, and what makes our relationship great
• Get yourself ready to be able to receive love, but don't rush it. Take your time.

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• The Back to You Academy is officially closed, but you can still work with Melissa one-on-one! Click here to view services or reach out via email: ...

Many of you have been coming into my DMs or writing in the private Facebook group asking about what are the red flags to know if he's really looking for love or just a hook up?

And I'm going to share these red flags with you in this podcast, but I'm also gonna give you some tough love, because while knowing red flags is great, we need to stop focusing so much on them.

What should you really be focusing on? 

YOURSELF!

If you don't know who you are and what you want, it doesn't even matter if you know the red flags. 

And while red flags don't really ever change and can generally be applied as a rule of thumb, your values and the things you're specifically looking for in a partner are highly personal. That means that no one...not I, not another relationship expert...can tell you what to look for. 

Join me in this episode as I get real with you about red flags to look for, and how to start thinking about dating differently so you can filter out the bad guys and...

After hearing this content about Gumball Love and attention addiction for a while, many of you come to me in the DMs worried that YOU are actually a Gumball Girl.

Most of the time, you are not. Sometimes we are the ones giving and receiving gumballs, and it feels good to get that dopamine hit. This isn't always a bad thing, if your relationship with this guy is not SOLELY based on these dopamine hits.

It becomes a problem when the guy is not seeking anything more than a quick "high", and there is no deeper level of intimacy and friendship holding the relationship together, when that's really what you want and are waiting for.

If you're worried you are a Gumball Girl, wondering why you keep ending up with Gumball Guys, or wondering why you're always caught up playing games in dating, this episode will help you decode what you are getting out of being with these guys and playing the games.

Once you can understand why you're behaving the way you are, you can...

We've all been there...you're texting back and forth with a guy, and the responses are pretty quick in the beginning, everything is exciting, you're getting the butterflies....and gradually, the responses get slower and slower to be returned (or, it's very sudden that he's taking so long to reply).

You start to freak out, thinking he's not interested in you, he's texting another girl, or whatever else our creative minds think up! Your natural response may be to scold him and educate him on how he should be responding, but I want you to consider a different approach.

In this episode, I walk you through the reasons why he may not be texting back right away, why you shouldn't freak out and start imagining worse case scenarios, why you should just wait it out, and what it looks like when you're texting a healthy guy.

Other episodes mentioned

5 signs to tell early on he's not the right one

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• The Back to You Academy is officially closed, but you can still work...

When you're in a new relationship or just starting to go on a few dates with a guy, do you ever feel like you're being evaluated against some checklist on a clipboard?

He says things like, "When you do that it reminds me of my ex, who cheated on me..." or "I have trust issues so I can't handle it when you...". Then you find yourself doing backflips and performing trying to prove that you won't hurt him like the last girl. Things will be different this time, I'm not like the other girls!!

But he's still skeptical. And the more energy you spend trying to prove yourself, the more you lose part of your identity, the more your self confidence weakens, and the more you fall under his control.

And the more dopamine hits he gets so he can feel soothed, comforted by the fact that you probably won't leave him like the last girl.

Welcome to the last episode in this "flavors of attention" series! We've covered each Gumball flavor/color that correlates to a type of attention addiction that...

Welcome back to this series, where we're talking about all the flavors of attention that the wrong guys want. They make us think that they're falling for us, but they're getting high off of attention and they're not actually building true and lasting connection.

I share this with you so you can understand how to filter unhealthy men and people out. So you don't waste your time on the people that are just taking from you, the people that are not really investing and focused on your life.

I've assigned each type of attention as a "flavor of attention" with all the different gumball flavors, and so far we've already covered red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple...and this episode is about pink! 

I encourage you to listen to the episodes about the other ones first, the links are at the bottom!

When a guy wants the Pink Gumball type of attention, he's the one who always makes every conversation about him. You could say anything, and he'll always turn it back to...

"Work is so crazy right now, but we should meet up soon." -text from a guy, probably sitting on his couch, who wants the Purple Gumball

If you're new to Gumball Love, welcome! Gumball Love is a concept created to help women see the red flags of fake love, and be able to identify real, unconditional love.

Each flavor "Gumball" represents a type of attention that a person is seeking from you. They will give you a "quarter" so you give them a gumball, and then they get "high" off the attention, like a sugar rush. They may therefore act like they care for you and love you, but it's really just to get the kind of attention they want from you.

I've been doing a podcast series going into depth and detail about each flavor gumball, or each type of attention, so you can really start to see the nuances and get really good at spotting the guys who aren't seeking a real intimate connection. The links to previous episodes in the series are at the bottom, I suggest you start from the...

If you are currently considering leaving your marriage, going through a divorce, or wondering how to get back into dating after divorce, you're gonna want to listen to this episode for some serious inspiration!

Soni Pelty got married at age 19 through an arranged marriage, as is custom in her Indian heritage. 

Things seemed fine the first couple months, until she discovered her husband's porn addiction.

After 22 years of dealing with this addiction, physical and emotional abuse, and fighting, Soni finally got the strength to leave the marriage after some wise words from her then 15 year old son. 

In her 40's and getting back into the dating game, Soni went on 300..yes, 300 dates!! With very clear intentions about what she wanted, until she finally found the man of her dreams and got remarried! 

But it wasn't just about finding the man. The most important part for Soni was finding herself and realizing her worth. Now, she helps other women do the same as a...

In this episode I'll be answering a listener question: How will I know if he's the right guy? She also feared that she may have so much self worth and love that no guy will ever be good enough for her. So if you've asked yourself similar questions, you'll want to tune in to this episode!

There are tons of "lists" out there that you'll find on Buzzfeed or wherever, but you know I always say there are no hard and fast "rules" in love, or one size fits all. So, this is a list of some simple things to look out for and what I've personally experienced after dating many guys who were definitely NOT the right one, and finally finding the guy who is. 

I also discuss how to be supportive and compassionate, without playing the role of his therapist and trying to help him heal when it's too big for you to handle (because you're not his therapist!!). 

The top three things are:

1. You're having fun with them all the time. Even the moments in life that are...

Are you carrying around the weight of how your ex made you feel not good enough, into new relationships? Or maybe it's even affecting relationships with friends, family, or your work life. Don't beat yourself up about it or carry shame around about it!

"You're still gonna miss a guy that treated you poorly. It's part of the process."

You have so much love to give, and yet when you try to give this love, the men you're with question it. They doubt you and your love. Which gets into your head, and now you're questioning your own worth and value.

Now, when you try to date or get into a new relationship, you're questioning everything you say and do, and analyzing everything he says about you. It's exhausting.

The message I want to get across in this episode is that:

1. These men are insecure, so they try to dim your light to make themselves feel better
2. We all come from messy backgrounds, many of us didn't receive healthy love with our parents, so we need to do our own work to heal...