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My friend is dating a jerk, how can I help her? [Podcast EP 49]

Sometimes we'd do more to help our friends than we do to help ourselves. We have the best intentions and think we're helping her get over this jerk guy she's dating, but sometimes we're actually making the process longer for her.

This episode will teach you how to compassionately help your friend (or your daughter, or your mom, whoever!) through this tough time, and might even show you how you can be more compassionate to yourself. I have for you 23 tips and questions to ask that I personally use when I'm coaching my girls, to help her see for herself that he is a jerk. You'll find out why telling her to leave him is NOT effective. 

"The goal of the conversation is never to get her to break up with him. Ever." -Melissa Leger, dating expert and creator of Gumball Love

 You can also download and subscribe to this podcast for free on Apple PodcastsGoogle Podcasts, or Spotify, or listen on Youtube.


First! This weeks self care tip:

Book a doctors...

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Why do we always attract the wrong guy? [Podcast EP 48]

Why do we date the wrong guy over and over again? I've covered a lot in the past about why the bad guys (the Gumball Guys) act the way they do, but it's time to talk about YOU. There's two people involved in these relationships and you're one of them, so what's your part in all of this?

In this podcast episode I will cover 9 reasons why you might be caught in this pattern of always dating bad guys (even when you've spent time in therapy!). By the end of this episode you will have the questions to ask yourself in order to really become self-aware about your behavioral patterns and where they came from. You'll also know how joining the Back to YOU Academy can help you go even deeper on finding the root cause of these behaviors and how to truly heal. 

 You can also download and subscribe to this podcast for free on Apple PodcastsGoogle Podcasts, or Spotify, or listen on Youtube.


But first, two self care tips for the week!

1. Block Him

If you've...

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Are You Forcing Yourself to Be Someone You're Not? [Podcast EP 47]

Did you know that before you have a one on one coaching session with me, I don't really know exactly what I'm going to say to you?

It's not because I'm not a good relationship coach. That's definitely not how my clients feel, anyway;)

It's because each and every one of my girls is a totally different person with their own story and challenges. I will customize the call to fit your specific needs.

My message to you in this podcast episode is that we often get caught up in the pressure of trying to do things the "right" way and to force a certain timeline in our pursuit of love. But whose right way? Whose timeline?

We are not meant to all be the same. And we're not meant to all find our life partner in the same way and in the same timeframe. 

We ARE all meant to find our purpose, and we can't do that if we continue to put so much pressure and stress on ourselves to be like everyone else or meet everyone else's expectations.

You feel the most alone...

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The vicious cycle you don't know you're in [Podcast EP 46]

Are you caught in the cycle of toxic relationships?

There is a reason why you feel exhausted all the time. Your energy is being sucked right out of you. And this is costing you everything- your relationship with friends and family, your career, your finances, and most of all, your happiness. When you're in an unhealthy relationship, you are caught in a vicious cycle I like to call the "Good Bad Ugly".

Good: The honeymoon period after a fight. You're cuddling, having intense sex, he's doing big romantic gestures. It's an extreme, intense high.

Bad: He starts pulling away again. He's not responding to texts, he's acting suspicious, he's spending all his time fixating on a distraction like fantasy sports, porn, drinking, other women or whatever is his personal flavor. You're trying to talk to him and find out what the problem is and he insists nothing's wrong, you're just acting crazy.

Ugly: The big, intense, explosive fight sesh that goes until 4 in the morning. You've said...

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Why you haven't found real love yet [Podcast episode 45]

Everyone on this earth is capable of finding real, lasting love, and everyone deserves it. But not everyone knows, REALLY knows and feels in their heart that they deserve it. 

This episode is for YOU if:

  • You're always waiting for him to text you back
  • You're constantly trying to mold and bend into what you think he wants you to be
  • You have trouble relaxing on the date because you're worried about how you look or how you're coming off
  • You always feel like you're putting way more effort into communication and plans than he is

You were born fully capable of sending and receiving real love. And somewhere along the way, the difference between real love and Gumball love (attention addiction) got lost. But it's not gone forever. Transformations happen, I see them every day in the women I coach one on one and in the Back to YOU Academy, and you can transform, too.

I'm fired up in this episode (again) but it comes from a place of love. I see your worth and value so...

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How to set boundaries in relationships [Podcast EP 44]

Healthy boundaries are becoming more and more of a popular topic these days. If you didn't grow up in a family with healthy boundaries (and many of us didn't) you wouldn't even know what boundaries look like or that you could have them.

Having boundaries is important because it preserves our energy. If you're constantly letting people in who suck away your energy, you will be left totally empty, exhausted, and unable to operate at your highest frequency. The world needs your light and your energy, so let's get this sorted!

In this podcast episode we'll cover:

  • How to know what your boundaries are
  • Why setting boundaries is important
  • Why we often avoid setting boundaries
  • What happens if you don't set boundaries
  • How to sort out which people in your life are crossing your boundaries
  • What it feels like and looks like to set boundaries (examples)

You can also download and subscribe to this podcast for free on Apple PodcastsGoogle Podcasts, ...

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5 signs to tell early on if he's the wrong one [Podcast Episode 43]

Are you confident in being able to distinguish between a good guy and a Gumball Guy on your own? How long does it take you to determine he's not the right one? After this podcast, you'll have a bloodhound nose for sniffing out the bad guys quickly just like me (I just got a puppy so my mind is SO on dogs!!). 

If you've been following this podcast for a while, chances are by now you've come to terms with the fact that your ex was a Gumball Guy, or the guy you're dating now is a Gumball Guy (and if not, go back to the beginning!) :)

But now, as you enter back into the dating scene, you might find it difficult to trust your own judgement. You might have a hunch this guy is a Gumball Guy but  you're second-guessing yourself. And the longer you are not sure and continue to feel him out, the more time you're wasting, and the more danger you're in of really falling for a Gumball Guy again.

I bet you're saying, "Melissa! I wish you could be sitting at the next table in a disguise...

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How to respond to "Let's take things slow" [Podcast Episode 42]

We've all heard the advice before to "take it slow" so that we don't get hurt again. When a guy says this to you, or when you're thinking you need to do this with a new guy, it may seem sensible, but it's really not.

It's another form of manipulation and control. It's saying, "I haven't done the work to heal from my past relationship, and so I'm going to carry that into this relationship and I expect you to sensor yourself so that I'm not triggered, thank you very much."

In episode 42, we cover:

  • What he really means by "let's take things slow"
  • Why requesting to "take things slow" prevents the ability to create intimacy
  • How to know if you're relationship is moving at a healthy speed
  • What happy couples say about "taking things slow" and other "rules of dating"
  • What to respond when he says "let's take things slow"
  • How to be confident in knowing that it's time to stop dating the guy who wants to "take things slow" and walk away
  • Updates on the transformations of the girls currently in...
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The Psychological Reason for Ghosting that No One Talks About [Podcast Episode 41]

The Cosmo magazines of the world will tell you you're being ghosted because you're too clingy, or revealing emotions too soon. Guys will tell you they just forgot or don't like to be on their phone all the time. But is that really the case, or is there a deeper, more psychological reason?

A guy from an online dating app texts you, "Hey, what's up." You continue on with a shallow text conversation for a while and finally ask..."Should we meet up?" Suddenly, he becomes the busiest guy in the world and can't find any time to pencil you in but keeps promising you'll meet up some vague time in the future.

By the end of this episode you will know why he does this, why it has nothing to do with you, and you will understand the true pain behind his shallow, distant texts. You will be able to separate his behavior from your self worth.

In this episode, I cover:

    • What "pick-up artists" for men are teaching (and not teaching) to shy, insecure guys, and why it hurts more than it helps
    • Why...
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Are you open to receiving love? [Podcast Episode 40]

You can also download and subscribe to this podcast for free on Apple PodcastsGoogle Podcasts, or Spotify.

Wow, episode number 40!! Thank you all so much who have been listening from the beginning, and those who have joined along the way. 

In this episode, I get really vulnerable with you. I want to let you in on what I've struggled with along this journey of coaching and sharing the Gumball Love concept.

As a challenge to you AND to myself, we need to start claiming our success. When someone falls in love with us and sees our best qualities, we need to be able to receive that love. 

I let you in on what it was really like for me trying to get this concept of Gumball Love started 10 years ago. It took me a long, long time of fighting my own fears and doubts in order to finally put this idea out there.

And even today, those old feelings of embarrassment creep up--it's hard for me to receive the praise from the girls in the...

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