When we've dated Gumball Guys in the past, often it's daunting and scary to get back into dating because we've been burned before. We're a bit jaded and skeptical that all guys are jerks.
Well, hindsight is always 20/20, but we can try some things during the dating stage to test the waters and see if he's really ready for love and commitment.
Junk "dating advice" will give you a lot of short-term strategies for getting a Gumball Guy. Well, ya got him..and now you wish you never met him. This episode is about LONG-TERM..how to actually find the right guy for you, who will be someone you can lean on in tough times, a teammate to take on life together.
Tune in to this episode to find out what type of inner work you should be doing to see if you are ready for love, as well as what you should be looking out for in a guy to see if he has the capacity to love as well.
How to Do the Work by Nicole LePera
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How do you know if you are "ready for love"? The depiction of love and romance in Hollywood movies certainly sets the wrong expectations for us around what healthy love, dating and relationships look like. After many years of dating and relationships, learning from the mistakes, and finally meeting the love of my life at age 43, I share how I knew I was ready for love.
Below are some key questions to ask yourself:
How to Do the Work by Nicole LePera
Book a call with Melissa: https://melissa-leger.mykajabi.com/workwithme
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"My longterm mission is to help as many people as possible get healthy themselves, find healthy partners, and have healthy children." -Melissa Leger
"How you formed an attachment to your caregivers in infancy often sets the tone for how you experience your adult relationships.
If your parents were slow or inconsistent with tending to your needs, you might have become anxiously attached.
When you’re an adult, you may subconsciously repeat similar behaviors you experienced in childhood, in your romantic relationships." Source.
We can talk about avoiding red flags and Gumball Guys, but when it comes to actually being in a healthy relationship and being attracted to a healthy relationship, I want to bring to your attention that you may have anxiety around the actual attachment part.
We don't have to be perfect and totally secure before entering a relationship, but it's important to become aware of your attachment style so that you can sooth yourself and know what...
I'm SO excited to be collaborating again with my good friend, mentor, and inspiration in so many ways, Cara Alwill Leyba from The Champagne Diet. Cara is a female empowerment coach, blogger, podcast host, and self-published author of 9 books, including the best seller Girl Code.
Today, on 11/11, and eleven years since she first started this journey with The Champagne Diet blog, she is releasing her 9th book, Girl on Fire: How to choose yourself, burn the rule book, and blaze your own trail in life and business.
I love Cara and her book because unlike a lot of other coaches out there who will tell you they know the best way to do things, Cara inspires you to find YOUR way, to blaze YOUR unique trail and find what lights YOUR fire. She is also extremely relatable, in the sense that she struggled with her weight for years, had deep self-esteem issues, dated guys that were wrong for her, and settled for less.
In this episode, we'll teach you how to identify what self-limiting...
How do you know if he's really falling in love? How do you know if the guy on the other side of the screen is really looking for true connection or if he's full of crap? In this episode, we're talking about how to know if the romance you're experiencing is really built to last for the long term or if it's just a temporary high that will leave and come back again for as long as you allow it.
This week, be mindful in noticing what inspires you. What gives you the full-body goosebump chills? What are the simple things that you just LOVE?
When you've been in Gumball Guy relationships and you've only thought about what they want and what they need, you lose who you are. After a relationship like that, finding a hobby feels like a daunting task. In reality, we...
Today I will be announcing a BIG EXCITING announcement about the Back to YOU Academy and membership program!! Listen in for details:D
Also, I'll be addressing an interesting thing a dude said to one of the girls I’m coaching. After a while of fun dates, he expressed that he’s no longer interested, with the reasoning: “I guess I just need the chase.”
An ages-old tactic that still makes its way into dating advice articles for some reason. The idea that the woman has to be mysterious, and not give away too much, to keep the guy on the hook so he keeps interested.
But is this tactic legitimate? Let’s stop and REALLY examine this. So often we hear it and we just take it at surface level because we’ve heard it over and over so it becomes just part of the things we “know” until they’re proven wrong (like how we “need” to eat meat to get enough protein).
So when he says he needs the chase, what does that really...
Why do men cheat? The answers to this question that you'll find online or that a cheater will tell you are the biggest lies we are told as women. The answers are made to make us feel as though we are somehow responsible for their behavior and that we have the power to change it.
Cheater/society: "All men cheat."
Mainstream media response: "8 ways to spice up your love life so he doesn't want to cheat!"
In this episode I'll be referencing the work of therapist Dr. Robert Weiss in his article, 13 Reasons Why Men Cheat and applying the Gumball Love concept so we can understand the difference between the lies and the bad dating advice, and the truth and good dating advice.
But first! Self-Care Tip of the Week
Get a facial monthly or quarterly! Facials are a time for relaxation. You get to put the...
Sometimes we'd do more to help our friends than we do to help ourselves. We have the best intentions and think we're helping her get over this jerk guy she's dating, but sometimes we're actually making the process longer for her.
This episode will teach you how to compassionately help your friend (or your daughter, or your mom, whoever!) through this tough time, and might even show you how you can be more compassionate to yourself. I have for you 23 tips and questions to ask that I personally use when I'm coaching my girls, to help her see for herself that he is a jerk. You'll find out why telling her to leave him is NOT effective.
"The goal of the conversation is never to get her to break up with him. Ever." -Melissa Leger, dating expert and creator of Gumball Love
Book a doctors...
Why do we date the wrong guy over and over again? I've covered a lot in the past about why the bad guys (the Gumball Guys) act the way they do, but it's time to talk about YOU. There's two people involved in these relationships and you're one of them, so what's your part in all of this?
In this podcast episode I will cover 9 reasons why you might be caught in this pattern of always dating bad guys (even when you've spent time in therapy!). By the end of this episode you will have the questions to ask yourself in order to really become self-aware about your behavioral patterns and where they came from. You'll also know how joining the Back to YOU Academy can help you go even deeper on finding the root cause of these behaviors and how to truly heal.
1. Block Him
Did you know that before you have a one on one coaching session with me, I don't really know exactly what I'm going to say to you?
It's because each and every one of my girls is a totally different person with their own story and challenges. I will customize the call to fit your specific needs.
My message to you in this podcast episode is that we often get caught up in the pressure of trying to do things the "right" way and to force a certain timeline in our pursuit of love. But whose right way? Whose timeline?
We are not meant to all be the same. And we're not meant to all find our life partner in the same way and in the same timeframe.
We ARE all meant to find our purpose, and we can't do that if we continue to put so much pressure and stress on ourselves to be like everyone else or meet everyone else's expectations.
You feel the most alone...