When you're in a new relationship or just starting to go on a few dates with a guy, do you ever feel like you're being evaluated against some checklist on a clipboard?
He says things like, "When you do that it reminds me of my ex, who cheated on me..." or "I have trust issues so I can't handle it when you...". Then you find yourself doing backflips and performing trying to prove that you won't hurt him like the last girl. Things will be different this time, I'm not like the other girls!!
But he's still skeptical. And the more energy you spend trying to prove yourself, the more you lose part of your identity, the more your self confidence weakens, and the more you fall under his control.
And the more dopamine hits he gets so he can feel soothed, comforted by the fact that you probably won't leave him like the last girl.
Welcome to the last episode in this "flavors of attention" series! We've covered each Gumball flavor/color that correlates to a type of attention addiction that...
"Work is so crazy right now, but we should meet up soon." -text from a guy, probably sitting on his couch, who wants the Purple Gumball
If you're new to Gumball Love, welcome! Gumball Love is a concept created to help women see the red flags of fake love, and be able to identify real, unconditional love.
Each flavor "Gumball" represents a type of attention that a person is seeking from you. They will give you a "quarter" so you give them a gumball, and then they get "high" off the attention, like a sugar rush. They may therefore act like they care for you and love you, but it's really just to get the kind of attention they want from you.
I've been doing a podcast series going into depth and detail about each flavor gumball, or each type of attention, so you can really start to see the nuances and get really good at spotting the guys who aren't seeking a real intimate connection. The links to previous episodes in the series are at the bottom, I suggest you start from the...
Welcome back! If you haven't been following the Gumball Colors series, I'm going through all eight colors of the flavors of Gumball Love. If you're brand new to Gumball Love, Gumball Love is the addiction to attention, or to the rush that attention gives us.
I suggest if you haven't already, start back at the beginning of the series and listen to the first four colors before moving on to this one. The links are at the bottom of this post for quick access.
This episode is about the Blue Gumball, or as I like to call it, "Pity Me". This is the guy (or person, if it's one of your friends or family members), who is always complaining about everything and wants your constant sympathy and pity. You try and give them advice, but they never take action on anything. They just want to hear themselves complain.
We all have our low moments where sometimes we just want to vent, and we just need a pep talk. But there is a difference between this, and the unhealthy...
In the past few episodes, I've been going over the different gumball "flavors" or different types of attention that Gumball Guys crave so that you can start to watch out for the red flags.
The Red Gumball is all about sex, the Orange is all about stirring up drama, the Yellow wants you to constantly be entertaining him and keeping your attention on him, and now, we come to the Green Gumball guy: Green with Envy, Compete with Her for Me.
This is the guy who you'll be sitting with at your first or second date and he says, "I've gone on a few dates with this other girl, and I really thought she was it for me, but now that I've met you...I really like you too. I'm just not sure."
Just imagine, how do you feel in that moment?
You may feel the sudden urge to prove yourself worthy. Prove that YOU'RE the right choice, and start to compete with her. And that's exactly what gives him the high.
Or, you might be at a restaurant with him on a date, and he starts flirting with...
Does it feel like you always have to be entertaining your guy, or he's bored?
A while back I'd started a series assigning a different color or "flavor of attention" to each type of Gumball Guy.
I've already done an episode on the Red Gumball, which is the guy who is all about sex, and the Orange Gumball, which is the guy who wants the intense drama.
In this episode, I talk about the Yellow Gumball, which is the guy who wants you to entertain him or put all your attention on him. He's that guy who is like a giant fussy baby...always too hot, too cold, the music is too loud or not loud enough, he's tired, he's bored at the party asking how much longer you have to stay.
He's looking on his phone rather than paying attention to anyone around him, if the attention isn't on him he's uninterested.
All conversations tend to be about him or things he's interested in. So when it's something you're interested in, you feel like you have a limited amount of time that you can...
Why does he come back? How do I get through a break up? Is there life after being sexually assaulted? What are the most important values I look for in a man? What questions do I ask on a first date? Or should I worry about it? How do I move forward if they have had drug or alcohol addition problems?
WHEW! THAT IS A LOT. Amazing how it was a brief podcast. I don't know how I did it.
Let me know what you think.
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What flavor of attention does he crave? Once you can pinpoint this you will be able to decode all of his behavior effortlessly.
In this episode we talk not only about romantic relationships but how others in our lives manipulate us with their cravings for attention and how we can recognize this and not mistake them for trying to make a connection.