Girl, I see you. You're a strong, independent woman. You've worked hard. You got that big promotion. You're making your own money. You made that big achievement.
For a long time, as you've been focused on your career, you've been saying, "I don't need no man."
You definitely don't need a man, can't argue with that, but you're here listening to this podcast because you WANT one. And why is it so hard to find one who doesn't turn into a big disappointment? When will Mr. Right appear?
I'm about to give you some tough love.
You're strong and independent because at some point in your childhood or in early dating experiences you learned that you're on your own, you were made to feel that you're not valued, and so you had to tell yourself that you don't need anyone and to prove your worth through your achievements.
But just because you look good on paper doesn't mean it's only a matter of time before Mr. Right comes strolling into your life. And all of the material items and success and achievements will never fulfill your soul if you don't know your own worth and value.
At some point in your past a pattern started where you started seeking men who crave the intense highs and lows, and you go on the roller coaster ride with them.
When you're in the high, it's like that fairytale myth you were taught to expect. And when you're at the low, with all the fighting and anger, you're wondering what you did wrong and you start obsessing about how to get back to the high.
All the while, you're still kicking ass in all other areas of life. That's how strong you are! And imagine how much stronger you'd be if you didn't have this guy sucking all of the energy out of you. He's pulling you off your center. And you're totally losing your identity in the process.
It's easy to measure success in your career and finances. But that kind of strength doesn't equate to your emotional strength. And it's hard to measure if you are truly confident in yourself and if you know your own worth and value.
If you don't know who you are, if you don't even like yourself, then how can you expect the perfect guy for you to find you?
Have you ever had a really big success and it felt exciting for a second but then you went right back to unhappiness? That’s because it's not what fulfills you, external things cannot make you happy. What’s fulfilling is truly knowing who you are and your own worth and value. This means you have to take an interest in yourself.
And it does take time.
It takes time to get to know yourself again after losing yourself in the cycle of Gumball Guys over and over.
You're gonna have to throw out that timeline of what age you wanted to be married with kids by. And you're gonna have to truly show an interest in yourself. To really mindfully notice what makes you happy and WHY it makes you happy.
I talk more about how to do this in a previous episode.
Or, you can always join the Back to YOU Academy where we work on this in a group coaching setting too. One woman in the Academy recently said to me, "Thank you so much for providing a judgement-free zone, this is exactly what I needed."
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