Does He Need the Chase? (And big announcement!!) [Podcast EP 51]

breakups dating advice dating coach dating expert gumball love marriage advice podcast red flags relationship advice relationship coach relationship expert self care self love singles advice Oct 28, 2019

Today I will be announcing a BIG EXCITING announcement about the Back to YOU Academy and membership program!! Listen in for details:D

Also, I'll be addressing an interesting thing a dude said to one of the girls I’m coaching. After a while of fun dates, he expressed that he’s no longer interested, with the reasoning: “I guess I just need the chase.”

The chase.

An ages-old tactic that still makes its way into dating advice articles for some reason. The idea that the woman has to be mysterious, and not give away too much, to keep the guy on the hook so he keeps interested.

But is this tactic legitimate? Let’s stop and REALLY examine this. So often we hear it and we just take it at surface level because we’ve heard it over and over so it becomes just part of the things we “know” until they’re proven wrong (like how we “need” to eat meat to get enough protein).

So when he says he needs the chase, what does that really mean?

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But first, Self-Care Tip of the Week!

This week I want you to focus on really asking yourself, do I need a break from dating? Or maybe you need to break up with someone or consider if it's time to look at getting a divorce if you’re in a toxic relationship or marriage. Make a pros and cons list if it helps! 

To the single ladies, ask yourself, how many dating apps are you on? Does it feel depressing/gross, do you wish you could take a break? Do you feel like you're wasting time if you take a break? Do you feel pressure that you need to hurry up and find someone?

The feeling of hurrying up is making it difficult for you to filter, you start loosening your standards. That's the time when you need a break. 


Ok, and now…let’s talk about “the chase.”

You know how in the Bachelor, you’re watching the first dates, and some of them are just fun and light and some start immediately divulging their deepest darkest stories?

Obviously the Bachelor is highly produced and they need to create drama, but that’s just it, it’s a game, they have a strategy in mind. Just like these articles are giving you a strategy to “make the guy want you.”

But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’ve talked to MANY happily married couples, and NONE of them played games. For them, the “chase” you could say, was a natural evolution of forming attachment upon getting to know someone more intimately.

For a healthy man, the “chase” will not be driven by the fear of losing you, but driven by an authentic curiosity and desire to get to know you better and better.

A healthy, self-respecting person does not have time to “chase” just for the thrill of the danger of losing someone’s attention.

Listen to the full episode as I dive more into what a Gumball Guy is thinking when he says “I just need the chase”, and how you can respond to that and begin to rid yourself of the out-dated idea that we as women need to be dangling a carrot in his face and keeping him on his toes.


Work with Melissa

Need help stopping the cycle of toxic relationships, living happily single, and finding true love? If you're tired of being the only person in your friend group who's not in a healthy, happy relationship, I can help you! Here's how: