This episode is dedicated to all you out there who are currently in a relationship, and starting to consider if this relationship is no longer healthy for you and if you should leave.
It's a scary place to be in...you've no doubt poured a lot of time, energy, love and effort into making this thing work. He likely showed you a much better version of himself to you at the beginning stages, and it's hard to accept that things have changed, and even harder to understand why they changed.
That's why as a coach, I'll never tell you to leave immediately. Often when we talk to our friends, they think they're doing something good by saying "Just leave him, you deserve so much better!"
And it's true, you do deserve better, but we can't just turn off all the emotions that were built over time. We can't just erase all the good times from our memories. Maybe you've gotten close with his friends or family members. It's complex and messy.
This is why all you really need to do right now, is to...
An avid listener of the Gumball Love Podcast, Jolie reached out to me via email after listening to the episodes describing the different flavors of attention addiction. I was so impressed with how she was able to connect each "flavor" to a real life Gumball Guy she'd met over the course of her 51 first dates, I had to get her on the show!
Yes, after spending 20 years married to the wrong person, Jolie got divorced and set out to go on 50 first dates. Jolie openly shares this journey through her memoir and podcast titled "Fifty First Dates". She's also an author of several other romantic novels.
This episode is like "casual girl chat meets real coaching session". We totally dig into her current dating situation with a Gumball Guy, and decode his behaviors using the flavors of attention addiction.
We hear about what patterns she saw after going on so many first dates, how she learned to #filterlikeafreak and not just be open to anyone, what advice she'd...
Wondering if it's time to start working with a dating and relationship coach?
It can be scary investing in coaching. You might be embarrassed that your situation is such a mess, or worry that I'll judge you, or feel weak for asking for help. Trust me, I hold no judgement because all I care about is meeting you where you're at and helping you figure out where to go from here. I love the mess, this is what I was born to do! And asking for help is the strongest thing you can do.
I talked with some of the alumni of my Back to You Academy to see what thoughts were going through their mind when they decided to start coaching with me, and what advice they'd give to another woman considering coaching, but is still unsure.
In this episode, you'll hear:
In this episode, I reflect on what I wish I knew earlier on, back in the days when I was totally lost on everything love, dating and relationships. I think back to mistakes I’d made...although I don’t really like to call them mistakes, because I think everything happens for a reason and everything happens in the timing it’s supposed to.
Nevertheless, I have a list of 13 things I did that helped me on the journey of finding my true love. I believe that if I hadn’t done these things, I certainly wouldn’t be able to experience the deeply loving relationship I’m now in, because I wouldn’t know who I am, I wouldn’t love myself, I wouldn’t understand my trauma and how to manage my triggers in a healthy way, and so much more.
Let me know your thoughts and if you can relate! Please share this episode on your social media and tag me so I know if this content is resonating with you.
Book a call with Melissa: ...
I need your help! It's getting soo juicy writing this book, we're really beginning to pull apart the layers and get extra specific about each different type of Gumball Guy and how you can recognize them.
I (and my partner and close friends) re-worked the naming of the different types of Gumball Guys to make it even more clear and I want your feedback!
In this episode I give an overview of all the different "flavors" of Gumball Guys that is (hopefully) more clear and precise than ever before, so PLEASE let me know your feedback!
We especially dive into the red/sex gumball again which is now called Arouse Me and nick-named "The Player". Learn all about the red flags that you're dealing with a player here!
Everyone who has been with me the past few years and replying to my posts in the private Facebook group, and DMing me on Instagram, your stories and thoughts are truly invaluable in helping to shape these concepts. If you think your story should be in this book, I'm open to receiving...
Are you constantly caught up in unrealistic day dreams about a guy you just met or have been talking to for a while?
It's so easy for us to come up with these elaborate romantic scenarios where the bad guy turns into the good guy, or he "saves" you from something, or whatever is yours.
Why do we get so caught up in these stories and become obsessed with the guy so quickly?
Think back to the movies you've watched, the books you've read, and the songs you've grown up with. These depict an unrealistic expectation of romance and love that leads us to float on a fairytale cloud for a while, only to come crashing down when reality hits.
In this episode, we discuss:
As always, if any of this resonates with you,...
In this episode, I felt called to discuss this urgency around needing to "fix" yourself so you can find the right guy and enter into a healthy relationship. I want to tell you to slow down, because trying to go fast and force it will only make the process longer.
In this episode, I discuss:
Many of you have been coming into my DMs or writing in the private Facebook group asking about what are the red flags to know if he's really looking for love or just a hook up?
And I'm going to share these red flags with you in this podcast, but I'm also gonna give you some tough love, because while knowing red flags is great, we need to stop focusing so much on them.
What should you really be focusing on?
If you don't know who you are and what you want, it doesn't even matter if you know the red flags.
And while red flags don't really ever change and can generally be applied as a rule of thumb, your values and the things you're specifically looking for in a partner are highly personal. That means that no one...not I, not another relationship expert...can tell you what to look for.
Join me in this episode as I get real with you about red flags to look for, and how to start thinking about dating differently so you can filter out the bad guys and...
After hearing this content about Gumball Love and attention addiction for a while, many of you come to me in the DMs worried that YOU are actually a Gumball Girl.
Most of the time, you are not. Sometimes we are the ones giving and receiving gumballs, and it feels good to get that dopamine hit. This isn't always a bad thing, if your relationship with this guy is not SOLELY based on these dopamine hits.
It becomes a problem when the guy is not seeking anything more than a quick "high", and there is no deeper level of intimacy and friendship holding the relationship together, when that's really what you want and are waiting for.
If you're worried you are a Gumball Girl, wondering why you keep ending up with Gumball Guys, or wondering why you're always caught up playing games in dating, this episode will help you decode what you are getting out of being with these guys and playing the games.
Once you can understand why you're behaving the way you are, you can...
When you're in a new relationship or just starting to go on a few dates with a guy, do you ever feel like you're being evaluated against some checklist on a clipboard?
He says things like, "When you do that it reminds me of my ex, who cheated on me..." or "I have trust issues so I can't handle it when you...". Then you find yourself doing backflips and performing trying to prove that you won't hurt him like the last girl. Things will be different this time, I'm not like the other girls!!
But he's still skeptical. And the more energy you spend trying to prove yourself, the more you lose part of your identity, the more your self confidence weakens, and the more you fall under his control.
And the more dopamine hits he gets so he can feel soothed, comforted by the fact that you probably won't leave him like the last girl.
Welcome to the last episode in this "flavors of attention" series! We've covered each Gumball flavor/color that correlates to a type of attention addiction that...