New Relationship Anxiety: What's the Fear Really About? [Podcast]Jun 13, 2019
"I met a new guy, and I'm scared."
You've met a new guy. He's nice, mature, handsome...all the things, and you're scared. You're scared he won't like you, or that he will end up being another Gumball Guy.
There's probably a toxic relationship not too far away in your rearview mirror, and you're coming up on an exit to a New Relationship. Are you going to get off the exit and start fresh, or are you going to keep driving with the pain from the past following you and controlling you?
Maybe it's time to take a pit stop and ask yourself, am I really into this guy? Why am I so worried if he likes me? What qualities are we both bringing to the table? What's the real reason behind why I feel scared and how can I stop?
First things first, do you know your own worth?
It's going to be hard, but I want you to not assume the worst of this new guy. There's a difference in projecting your past negative experiences on him and being appropriately observant of his behaviors.
Just take notice. Is he making you a priority? Is he making time for you? Sure he might be busy, but we're all busy, and if he's a good guy and he's truly interested in getting to know you, he will make the time for you.
If he's ghosting you or playing games like not texting you for a while or doesn't stick to plans, and you begin to interpret this as he doesn't like you or he's more interested in another girl, that's how you know you don't know your own worth and value yet. It's ok, it takes time, especially after a toxic relationship. But please just know...
His flaky behavior has nothing to do with you
We've talked a lot on this podcast about why Gumball Guys act the way they do, so I won't go too in depth here, but it's because HE'S scared. He's afraid that if you get too close and see who he really is, you won't like it and you'll reject him. He's likely thinking the same thing about you, that you could have your pick of any guy, why would you want him? Secure people don't think, "why would they want me?".
How secure people think and act
Honestly, you think and act like you're kicking ass at life, because you are. You've put in the work to make your life the way you want it to be--as a life you are truly enjoying and happy to wake up to every single day. Anyone who you choose to share this life with will just be icing on the cake.
Clarity check: That doesn't mean that everything in your life is happy and wonderful all the time. N-O one's life is this way.
But it means you've created dimension in your life, and you're busy living it! Maybe even as busy as Gary Vee. It means you understand what you have to offer in a relationship.
It means if a guy starts flaking out, instead of thinking, "What's wrong with me?" you think, "I don't have time for this, I deserve way better, NEXT!". You'll understand that if they're not respecting your time, they're not respecting you, period.
Ok, so how do I become secure and stop feeling scared?
This is where I will point you to the podcast episode to hear some helpful tips on how to know your worth and value, and to hear real success stories of the girls in the Back to You Academy:)
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