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Learn to Love Yourself After Divorce with Tonya Carter, Coach and Author of 'Divorce Your Story: A Woman's Guide to Heal & Thrive after Divorce'

divorce relationships self worth Sep 06, 2020

Tonya Carter is a certified relationship coach, author, speaker and podcast host that specializes in helping divorced women find their voice, regain their power and obtain personal freedom to live a thriving life. 

Her podcast, “The Reinvent U Podcast”, focuses on mindset, emotions, finances, health, faith, love, parenting and building meaningful relationships, in order to become the best version of themselves in their personal lives, families and professional environment.

She is also the author of the book, "Divorce Your Story: A Woman’s Guide to Heal & Thrive after Divorce."

In this episode of the Gumball Love Podcast, Tonya opens up about her journey from divorce, five job losses in four years, unhealthy relationships, financial hardships, health setbacks and balancing single motherhood. She decided to stop being the victim and became the victor of her life and shares with us how she helps other women do the same!

Key Points Discussed in This Episode

  • Tonya's personal journey through divorce and finding her purpose as a relationship coach
  • Her father's near death experience that forced Tonya to look at her life and take responsibility to create the life she wants to live
  • What were the issues in Tonya's marriage that lead to divorce and what did she learn about herself after divorce

"I realized that I was trying to make someone be something that they weren't ready to become. I got married, believing I can change someone. I believed that if I exhausted everything of myself, that person will reciprocate it."

  • What's the key to really knowing your worth and value

"A lot of us are looking for what we're lacking, in someone else. Which is why we're looking for them to fill a void."

  • Embracing "singleness season" and how to love yourself, what you're good at and what you love to do
  • What steps Tonya took to shift into her new normal, discovering herself and loving herself

"I believed that because I'm a mom, I've got to give up everything about me and put everyone first. I did not create boundaries."

  • The very first thing Tonya recommends to do after getting a divorce to start the healing and discovery process

"I know people who have been in 20 year relationships and they will keep giving it another chance, but they won't give themselves one good chance."

Tonya's tips on how to take care of yourself and stay healthy mentally and emotionally after divorce

  • Make the conscious choice that you want to change and move on
  • Write down every reason why staying away makes sense
  • Let go of what's beyond your control
  • Do not make any big decisions to make yourself feel better with instant gratification (another BF, sex, buying things)
  • Get a routine to stay productive throughout the day
  • Cultivate a growth mindset, hire a coach and/or therapist

Resources Mentioned

Maya Angelo's poem, "Phenomenal Woman":

Brené Brown books: Daring Greatly, The Gifts of Imperfection

Follow and Work with Tonya Carter




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Instagram: @themelissaleger

Email me: [email protected]  





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