The Gumball Guy puts in a quarter to get a  Gumball.  The quarter is what provokes you to give him attention.  The Gumball is any flavor of attention that brings the focus back to him.

Example:   “Send a Pic” is the quarter.  The Pic is the Gumball.   Gumball Guys learn what quarters they need to put in to get the flavor of attention they are seeking.   Without knowing knowing this concept I used to think sending pics was sharing and getting to know each other.  I later discovered I was providing entertainment.

Once you can identify this behavior it will be so much easier to filter out the guys who are simply looking for someone to send them pics, text all day and waste your time.  You will filter them out or as we say in Gumball Love, #FilterLikeAFreak.

Listed below are tons of different symptoms of Gumball Guys.  Some Gumball Guys are not as obvious but the one thing they usually cannot hide is inconsistency.

He comes on really strong

  • Sends a penis pic
  • Brings up sex right away
  • Says, “Send me a Pic.”
  • You send a pic and he wants another and another
  • Compliments you from the neck down early on
  • He pulls away and then comes back
  • He’s hot and cold
  • He’s unstable
  • He makes fun of you in a joking way but it still stings
  • He doesn’t invest in your friends or family
  • He doesn’t have many friends
  • He doesn’t want to talk about things that do not pertain to him
  • You are afraid to bring up things that bother you
  • He threatens to leave when challenged
  • Everything is your fault
  • You constantly feel like you are never enough
  • He talks to other girls
  • Even when he’s wrong, it’s somehow your fault
  • He is easily bored
  • He isn’t your friend

Are you noticing any that aren’t on the list?  Join our Private Facebook group at the top of my Facebook Like Page!

Or You can email me:


3 thoughts on “What Is A Gumball Guy?

  • May 4, 2017 at 4:40 pm

    I wonder what you make of my situation. I wrote this to Dear Sugar Radio.

    I’d love some feedback. Feeling a bit stuck- but I loved your podcast on the subject and it was a real game changer for me. I feel like I’m taking a lot of the blame.

    I met someone a few months ago serendipitously when we started a conversation at a restaurant in a town I was passing through for a few days. It felt so natural and unlike the way we meet people to date in our culture online. I actually met a person- on line- at a local market while having a conversation. Our eyes met, we smiled, we hit it off and talked for hours. I wasn’t even supposed to be in this town I was rained out of where I was going due to weather and stopped in.

    We walked to the ocean and had an amazing time talking a watching the waves crash. His live of nature and the environment spoke to my heart. It was so natural being together. We understood each other. The more we talked the more it seemed like our values in relationship and interests overlapped. He was incredibly interested in me emotionally and physically, and while I usually take my time, I stayed the night. We spent the night reading in bed together and talking and then we were intimate and we spent the next day together. I left for where I was moving to the next day and we made plans for a visit with the intention of taking it slow and seeing where the relationship would go long term. He visited me twice for three days each time, and I live 5 hours away. Each time he visited we hiked and and had an amazing time. We shared our hopes, visions, and affection. He talked about how I’d make an amazing mother someday and while we were just starting out, he could see having a family someday. I was wary about “future faking” but he seemed grounded in the present. The second time he visited was better than the first, but midway through he said he had to leave. His grandma was going into the hospital and he needed to pick up his dog at his families home and be there for the family. On his way home I sent a message affirming I’d like to continue the relationship and I felt my live for him growing. A few days later, the sweet texts I’d receive were replaced by a message inviting me on a sailing trip to Hawaii, then two messages that made no sense, and then one that his grandma died and he wasn’t doing well. After that he wouldn’t pick up my phone calls and they go right to voicemail and he wouldn’t write me back through text at all. I heard back a week and a half later saying he was grieving immensely and he loves my essence but felt he it was best not to have commitments and I deserved more and he trusted I understood. This was all through text and I really wanted to talk on the phone because honestly I didn’t understand how things could change so drastically between us. What does his grandmothers death have to do with our ability to communicate and have a relationship? Anyhow, it’s been a month and he has not called or texted and will not answer me. I write an invitation to talk and connect about every two weeks and in those messages I’ve been supportive of his grief. Now I’m starting to feel like maybe he’s not telling the truth about his grandmother and he’s avoiding talking with me. I understand that I wouldn’t want to be with an avoidant person, it’s not healthy for me, but I’m stuck in the past because I have no way of being heard and I don’t know the truth. I drove up here to see him, but I’m hesitant to make contact. Friends have advised me not to and to just move on. The trouble is- I’m finding I can’t move on. I had developed real feelings with him and it seemed like he did too when we were dating? What do I do if I can’t get closure. It’s becoming difficult to move on and believe I’ll find that kind of connection. I loved the life he was dreaming and sharing with me. He was taking the lead on interest in the relationship and then disappeared.
    What do I do?


  • June 5, 2017 at 3:23 pm

    Wow, I’m in a very similar situation. I don’t want to go into detail other than he’s told me he is grieving. He doesn’t want any help from anyone. He just wants distance. It’s been three months now. I’ve tried sending him supporting emails, etc. I’ve invited him to go with me to something going on this weekend, not one freeking word. No response. It’s like I’m a ghost, I’m invinsible. I’ve got nothing to go on either, I’m slowly but surely trying to move away, but I’m still grieving the loss of him. Would love to hear what others say about this.

    • June 25, 2017 at 9:08 pm

      Hi Barb – I wanted to make sure you knew about our private facebook group. I am sorry I didn’t see your message until now! Go to and you can see the link at the top of the page. Please share your story with the community and you will get tons of feedback for sure.


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